Are you prepared to foot the bill and consume large quantities of anti-anxiety drugs over the course of your lifetime? Are your ears still good enough to hear through closed doors and walls in the off chance he answers the phone and it’s for him? Are you both willing to talk about your feelings, fears, and secrets with a complete stranger? (I’m not saying counseling’s always a bad thing.) If none of the above scares you off, you might want to give him another shot. Personally, I couldn’t live with the suspicion, lack of trust, or thoughts of my boyfriend or husband with another woman. I’d always analyze every detail of his day he told me, inspecting for lies, trying to figure out how another woman could fit into those cracks he left. I’d become clingy and I value my independence too much to allow a grown man’s lack of moral judgment to reduce me to a knee-high little girl hanging to his pants leg.
If you’ve only been dating for a few months, I would definitely say he’s not smitten enough to bother with. He’s still supposed to be in that phase where he barely even checks out other women at the few-months point. Sometimes when relationships have been going on for years, though, someone cheats and there are successful second chances. And some men are so grateful for them you’ll get a weekly pedicure, back rub, and all the chocolate you want for eternity.
If you’ve only been dating for a few months, I would definitely say he’s not smitten enough to bother with. He’s still supposed to be in that phase where he barely even checks out other women at the few-months point. Sometimes when relationships have been going on for years, though, someone cheats and there are successful second chances. And some men are so grateful for them you’ll get a weekly pedicure, back rub, and all the chocolate you want for eternity.
There are some reasons to stick it out and try again, although in general I think there are too many fish in the sea to keep one who can’t stop tasting new worms when he’s already been hooked once and hasn’t wriggled free. Some will disagree with me and gasp when I suggest trying again for the sake of any kids involved (especially if they’re yours and his together). I’m a big fan of women’s lib and there’s no doubt in my mind that a woman can do it all on her own. However, there obviously will be turmoil in a breakup, more dramatic if that woman and her children live with her cheating boyfriend. Children—no matter the age—need all the stability they can get. If you think your boyfriend will cheat again or he mistreats you or your children, the children are not going to benefit from the two-parent environment. So in that case, pack up your kids and leave. This will give them a lesson in strength if you handle it well.
Another suitable reason to give the cheater a second chance (notice I said second because no one deserves a third) is their level of remorse. This does not mean that if he spends his paycheck sending flowers to your workplace every day and gives you new bobbles every weekend over champagne-filled celebrations of his love for you that he is remorseful enough to be worthy of more than your stiletto heel print on the back of his shirt to match the crimson handprint on his face. You `can tell by the way he apologizes how sincerely sorry he is. Is he sorry he did it or sorry he got caught? You know your boyfriend’s speech patterns and humble actions better than anyone so you have to go with your gut on it. No one can tell you for 100% sure if he’ll do it again (although the counselor I strongly suggest you see might pick up on a few cues and advise you well).
Now, to answer the question straightforwardly: Should you take back a cheating boyfriend? Probably not. But the decision ultimately depends on your own circumstances, trust levels, and forgiveness factor.
Another suitable reason to give the cheater a second chance (notice I said second because no one deserves a third) is their level of remorse. This does not mean that if he spends his paycheck sending flowers to your workplace every day and gives you new bobbles every weekend over champagne-filled celebrations of his love for you that he is remorseful enough to be worthy of more than your stiletto heel print on the back of his shirt to match the crimson handprint on his face. You `can tell by the way he apologizes how sincerely sorry he is. Is he sorry he did it or sorry he got caught? You know your boyfriend’s speech patterns and humble actions better than anyone so you have to go with your gut on it. No one can tell you for 100% sure if he’ll do it again (although the counselor I strongly suggest you see might pick up on a few cues and advise you well).
Now, to answer the question straightforwardly: Should you take back a cheating boyfriend? Probably not. But the decision ultimately depends on your own circumstances, trust levels, and forgiveness factor.
